Excerpts from my thoughts on my mother's last days...

'' The hours pass slowly...the minutes seem like centuries...I wished I were a little God to perform my miracle...''

''Good news to all of us. Nothing...things with my mom haven't been going well since Christmas Day, which I had written about here before. She has oxygen most of the day...seizures are frequent and these trigger the heart problem later. All this made me realize that her stage has changed because she is now in bed and I am feeding her with her eyes closed and water with a spoon.

I pray all day that she will get better, that she will gain strength, that she will reach a point where I can at least put her in a chair for a little while. When I see the shaking from the epileptic episodes, I mumble to myself how much I hate damned Alzheimer's!''

''Hello everyone and Happy New Year with health! The worst Christmas yesterday and my worst birthday today. Yesterday we woke up with mom and she had a nosebleed so severe that she was vomiting because she was choking. In a semi-conscious state we made our breakfast by massaging her. I called 166 then canceled it but in the afternoon she got worse... I brought a doctor home she stabilized a little. This morning we got her up and she sat in a chair for a couple of hours 

and then it was bad again....she would leave and we brought her back... I talked to a neurologist, we increased the Kepra...the oxygen has stabilized a little now....everything is hanging by a thread...I want her to get well and have her with me at least like that...I want her to come back...I'm really bad but I'm trying not to show it because my kids are happy and carefree and I don't want them to understand too much....''